I Jumped on the Bandwagon...

Maybe "jumped" is a bit too judicial. Rather, I contemplated the bandwagon as it passed by.

I flipped through a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey.

This book has been recommended to me. Not just by the instant emails I get from Barnes and Noble telling me to buy the newest, hottest, sexiest, funniest, scariest, most political, most genius, blah blah blah books, but from actual human beings. My first introduction to this was Ellen DeGeneres recording an audio book on her show. Then I found out it was inspired by Twilight (cue group groan.) My co-workers and I sat around discussing its inexplicable popularity. We just couldn't understand it.

So I found a copy, flipped through, and read some passages.

Here's a brief summary of the book from our BFF, Barnes and Noble.


When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms.

Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires.

Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever.

And I STILL don't get it.


I don't understand what sets Fifty Shades apart from every other romance/erotica novel out there. I suppose because it was inspired by Twilight and the main characters in Twilight, women can fantasize about Edward-As-Grey in a more adult fashion than when Edward is a 17 year old. But couldn't you do that with ANY romance novel?

I think the real problem is I cannot enjoy a book when it is poorly written. And let's face it, E.L. James is no Stephen King. She's a Stephanie Meyer. She's a fanfic writer. Not to disparage those who do write fanfic. Hoopla to you for having the huevos to put your writing out there. But to put that in perspective, I could go online, write a story about a flying narwhal who falls in love with a polar bear, and as long as something kinky is added, it's "good."

So what is it that makes Fifty Shades so successful? According to a New York Times review, its some sort of Cinderella Story. I promise you, my children will not be reading that version. Maybe it's that it is something new? Or does Fifty Shades have some story in it that I'm not seeing? The basic equation for a romance novel is female heroine + sexy man (with possible emotional issues) + sex + love. This book is no different.


I'll be clear and tell you exactly what I didn't enjoy about those few passages I read.
1) The names. Can you get any more porn star than Anastasia Steele?
2) The repetition. Within one page, the phrases holy sh** and holy fu$# were used four times.She also says "oh my" more times than you can count. The English language is vast. Please, utilize it. Ex) "He kisses... with cool, cold lips." <- um, they mean the same thing.
3) The weird analogies and descriptions. Ex) "I nod, wide-eyed, my heart bouncing off my ribs, my blood thundering around me body." <- This sounds like she needs to go to a hospital. Blood should never thunder.
4) Her "inner goddess." I'm pretty sure it's her way of saying her inner sex-fiend. But her "inner goddess" is really just a pouting 15 year old.
5) The horrible writing in general. Ex) My subconscious purses her lips and mouths the word 'ho.' <-Try this. Seriously. Go ahead. I'll wait....

Thus was my (thankfully) brief experience with Fifty Shades of Grey. I don't think I'll be attempting to read it anytime soon.

Review: The American Heiress

Summary
The American Heiress is the story of Cora Cash, an entitled, beautiful, charming, and vivacious young woman from New York at the turn of the 19th century. The granddaughter of a man who made his fortune through a flour mill, Cora has the best of the best. As entitled as she is, Cora's mother thinks she is in need of one more thing: a title.

After heading to England at the end of the social season, Cora meets and quickly marries the Duke of Wareham. However, Cora is unprepared for the drastic difference between the New York and English societies. Struggling to be the perfect American Duchess in a society of betrayals, Cora must impress her mother-in-law the Double Duchess and her new husband's colleagues and peers. Cora also has to learn how to handle the secrets her new husband has been keeping from her.

Review
The American Heiress was an intriguing novel at first. I'm always drawn towards historical fiction, especially anything in the Victorian era. I was able to look past the almost tongue-in-cheek name Cora Cash (Really?  Why not just name her Filthy Rich McBimbo?) and enjoy parts of the story. Cora was not my favorite character. She is snobby,  stubborn, and has very few redeeming qualities.
I did enjoy the novel as a quick read. Some of the characters were fun, especially Teddy, Cora's New York man friend (for lack of better term.) Throughout the novel I hoped she would get together with him, as he is clearly in love with her and the best thing that could happen to her. The Duke's secret, which is unraveled bit by bit throughout, kept me reading until the very end (indeed, at some points it was the only thing that kept me reading.) Although it turned out to be somewhat disappointing, it still kept me going.

Verdict
This book is probably not one I would pick up again. If you are interested in reading it, get it from the library. I liked the time period, a few characters, and examining the differences between New York and London society. It was an easy read, but an almost forgettable book.